Starting Somewhere

When I was little my brother Jeffrey and I used to listen to Raffi on his Fisher Price tape recorder. Sometimes we listened to his Teddy Ruxpin tapes as well, but those were generally reserved for his bedtime. Jeff couldn't sleep without watching his Teddy Ruxpin. We would play Baby Beluga over and over again on I would dance around, sing along. Jeff couldn't because he was in a wheelchair. Next week he will be gone 5 years. But the last time we listened to something on his Fisher Price recorder while I danced around, I was nearly 7 and he was just 4. He had his birthday and we had Thanksgiving and that's the last time I remember him. Our dad used to sing 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' for us sometimes. Before he stopped picking me up for visits. That song still makes me sad. I talk to my dad again, at least occasionally. More when my sisters are home from school and want to see me. We try and make like we've worked things out, that it's all water under the bridge. Mostly it is. But they have new songs now, my dad, stepmom and sisters. They know the Beatles birthday song and sing along all at once and I feel left out because my sisters arrived after my dad stopped taking me for his weekends. My mom, stepdad, brother and I don't have a song. When I have kids, we'll have a song that we sing and that makes us dance and smile. And I won't ever pretend they aren't mine.